and needing not to have eaten all that cookie dough.

{rf}

I began to realize at some point that the movie wasn't going to stop when Dali left, that they were going to make me watch Lorca die.

I'd been reading about mourning and queer grief all day, which is not the same as mourning myself, but I still didn't feel like spectating Lorca's execution because somebody didn't know when to end a movie. The film propelled me toward it anyway, scene by scene, with its narrative music and its tasteful fades.

Then this occurred to me: I'm sitting next to another gay man. A real live gay man, who is my friend at least, my lover maybe, though we never seem to get that exactly clear or do it exactly right. But here he is, and he loves me, and no one is trying to take him away from me, or me away from him.

And I don't have to bear up and be butch about this, because I am a faggot, dammit. And I used to be a girl, so I can't be expected to know any better.

So I leaned my head against his shoulder, and I held his hand while they shot Lorca on the screen.

Then Salvador Dali flipped out and then we watched the credits.

I missed the last bus, so he walked me all the way to my house. I was eating stale red licorice all the way home. I hope the kissing tasted all right.

J.

Hullo all.

It's a grey last day of work for me, but I feel a lightness, the way air will sometimes seem to lift just before rain. I like the way that sometimes before you feel the rain you see the marks appear on the road, and for a moment you're waiting, expecting the soft clatter and cool contacts on your face and arms.

I walked a slightly different way to work this morning. There's a new little deli on the way, and I looked in at the door, though I didn't buy anything. (If they had had muffins, I probably would have succumbed.)

There was also some kind of burning tar smell for a couple of blocks, which was not as delightful.

Just over two weeks until school starts. No idea how that came around so fast.

{rf}

My brother asked me to be his best man...

{rf}

A friend of mine had his chest reconstruction surgery recently. There isn't a lot of advice you can give, apart from the usual surgery recovery stuff, but I trotted it out anyway, and he bore it patiently.

I saw him at dinner at a mutual friend's last night. In the kitchen, he turned to me and asked, "Did you experience this? A feeling that your heart was beating really hard? And then you realized it was just that it was so much closer to the surface?"

{rf}

• 20:43 @xxcaro Fantastic! What's still left to complete?
• 20:45 Two glasses of riesling and I'm hooped. Bee had the gewurtz. Masses of Thai food and giggling about Boys. Excellence.
• 20:45 Who knew you could ramble on Twitter?
• 20:50 @spaceyspooky Only inasmuch as I like breathing and sacrificing neurasthenic humanoids to my appetite for universal destruction. And scotch.
• 20:52 Manners for the data age: Do you have to get permission from the person you're seeing before you change your Facebook relationship status?

Via LoudTwitter

• 07:59 Twelve percent of the attraction of my most recent ex was the beat-up turn-of-the-century house he lived in.
• 16:33 @docslacker Even Lizzie kiiind of liked Darcy for his house.
• 16:33 If only I owned more sweatervests.
• 18:11 @spaceyspooky Three more and I'd have a week's worth of instant work outfits.
• 18:27 That scanned badly.
• 22:31 Met up w/ Captain S. We've got a Project. V. excited.
• 22:34 RT @rosefox - hey, @spaceyspooky, think you could make this: tinyurl.com/cj83yk ?
• 22:36 @spaceyspooky I think that's a lovely idea. Two really nice gags, faux fur, etc., as a gentle yet useful reminder.

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• 18:35 @spaceyspooky I love that shows the CBC cancels can now be picked up by other producers.
• 18:57 RT @spaceyspooky: Here is where Search Engine podcast now lives. bit.ly/nASxN
• 19:55 Where the hell did I leave my drink? I keep picking up empty cans of club soda & feeling my heart sink.
• 19:58 @lindabeet Want to synchronize?
• 20:02 @spaceyspooky: Hey. Elsewhere in the building. In some other universe we live in a rambling old mansion and not a pink stucco elysium.
• 20:22 @spaceyspooky And blackberry brambles with albino voles living in them.
• 20:22 @spaceyspooky Now I want chocolate cookie pie.
• 20:25 We can name the voles after non-dairy dessert toppings.
• 20:25 @spaceyspooky Want to come to a dinner party? Did I mention about the dinner party?
• 20:27 Stand down, all; I found my club soda Where I Left It, by the TV.
• 20:28 @spaceyspooky I hadn't thought that through.
• 22:36 @spaceyspooky But they'd be so small they might be mistaken for berries themselves, with tragic (and crunchy) consequences.
• 22:40 @spaceyspooky We need also some good disused niches for ghosts.

Via LoudTwitter

• 16:33 More or less upright, bathed, fed, disoriented & in possession of a Golden Key.
• 19:29 Waiting for the second cone of lilacs to flower -- don't want to cut the first.

Via LoudTwitter

• 11:29 Note to self: do not sneeze into desk fan.
• 16:19 Have been chided for never having tried burgundy and damned as incurious. Weep.
• 18:47 @spaceyspooky I've used those words, but not in that order.
• 18:47 @spaceyspooky Are you in line? Would do late show.

Via LoudTwitter

• 16:48 Complete data files in 2.5 h. I am a golden god.

Via LoudTwitter

• 21:10 First workout high ever from yoga, immediately before buttcheek cramp. Sweet ironies of life.
• 22:25 @spaceyspooky Eerie.
• 22:26 @spaceyspooky Oh... dear.
• 22:26 Trying out new flossing technique. Can't tell you how exciting.

Via LoudTwitter

• 16:10 scraping tartar, dentist's chair / remember the beacon-white narcissus
• 23:27 Now I want to write in elegaic couplets.

Via LoudTwitter

Something other than a string of reposted tweets perhaps.

Tonight we have been experimenting with a truly strange sparkling rose. No, I know, but the wine guys say they are different now. This was surely different. Like a watered-down carbonated cab sauv. Terrible, though it improved remarkably after the third glass. Neither better once diluted with the leftover gewurtz.

inlandsea brought home strawberries, angel food cake, cool whip (to keep it kosher), which was the occasion of the wine. The occasion of the strawberries is the strawberries.

{rf}

20:54 In heaven the symposia will all be catered by the French department. #

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10:20 Am I really going to a symposium today? For my own amusement? #

10:25 University website won't load. If can't find symposium, can't go. #

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17:14 Every time you interrupt me to ask me how your project is going, it sets me back half an hour. #

17:16 @SharonAshwood Congratulations! Terrible puns bubble up. I will try to repress. #

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18:48 @tjlewis I have no words for that. Who's the third guy? #

18:54 @spaceyspooky We did, yeah, laughed through it - I mean the class I'll be TAing. Beowulf is on the syllabus. #

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17:16 Spring cold shades delicately into allergies w/out obvious lacuna. #

19:32 Maybe if I keep refreshing Twitter, my exam notes will appear in the stream. #

19:33 Hey. You. Say something about late-Victorian literature. #

19:44 @tjlewis Thanks. #

19:45 I made too many Ukrainian Easter eggs and gave myself Ukrainian Easter egg elbow. It hurts and it doesn't taste like chocolate. #

19:46 @Klee_Wyck: and thank you, Emily Carr. #

19:47 Even if you are on a timer. #

19:49 Is there anything odd about the words of famous 19th-century naturalists being automatically broadcast online? ...Probably not. #

20:04 @tjlewis Those are probably reproductions, though. #

20:27 @spaceyspooky And is menaced by a werewolf for her pains. #

20:41 Oh Amazon. Thou art undeserving of the name. #

21:40 Writing up flash cards now. #

23:25 @spaceyspooky I've been waiting until my exam was over. #

15:42 Exam over. Came home, slept two hours. Leapt from bed, ate chocolate croissant. Rest, check. Reward, check. Next: summer reading list. #

15:51 I love that re-reading _Fugitive Pieces_ is summer homework. Do I have to eat candy and have sex too? #

15:52 There's also Beowulf, mind. @spaceyspooky: I need to ask if we're going to watch the rotoscoped animated version with strategic candlestick. #

15:53 In fact, I think I'll do that now while it still seems clever. #

16:05 RT @artsynthesis symbolicious: s7y.us/onq. It's ☀ so I'm going out. Don't bother to ☎. The rebus is the natural response to Twitter. #

16:11 Grape hyacinth, bluebell, camas -- usually marks out narrative of spring -- this year all blooming at once, like pages stuck together -- #

16:12 @spaceyspooky Quite well, I think, and I got an undeservedly high grade on my final paper, for which I am thankful. #

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18:19 Stuck at work... no lilies for me. Whimper. #

20:55 @spaceyspooky Don't really feel like a drink. Could be sold on good TV. #

22:01 @SharonAshwood If you really want me to. #

22:02 @spaceyspooky Oi. Just got home. Sorry. Quixotic desire to get everything done at work. Not Quixotic. Sisyphean. #

22:03 @spaceyspooky Or Augean. #

22:19 @spaceyspooky Depends on whether your definition of success includes "fleeing the scene". #

23:12 In disgusting viral news, I have run out of hankies and moved on to odd socks. #

09:05 Test run on tax return. Amazing what you do when you're putting off studying. #

09:50 And the end of all our calculations shall be that we return to the beginning and find it's about what we expected. #

09:50 Now how shall I sabotage my education? I know, laundry! #

10:34 Keep ripping out left-hand pocket of trousers. Not sure why. No adamantine claws on that side. #

15:26 Walking home -- drifts of cherry petals along a stone wall -- the wind splashes them up the wall like waves against the breakwater #

15:27 & on Moss Street, the shedding cherry trees -- swarm of pink fireflies blows towards me in airy formation #

17:16 Spring cold shades delicately into allergies w/out obvious lacuna. #

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